I Compared, I Burned Out, I Disappeared

Phase 1

Okay, so I guess it all started during August. I was very active on Twitter. I was so fascinated to see the crazy things people used to do. But after all, it’s just a social media app, and I built an addiction. Every day I used to do something new, in a whole different field. For example: First day I saw a guy building an operating system, second day I saw a guy making very beautiful micro-interactions. At first, I was so fascinated to see them, but then it became the reason I lost my curiosity.

I started looking for different things. Yeah, just looking, doing nothing at all. I started to explore every other field. Programming started to become a thing that I needed to prove. It was a fun activity for me, but now it wasn’t. I started to talk to everyone, started thinking too much about programming, and ultimately I burned out. And yeah, I can say that FOMO made me lose curiosity.

Phase 2

I believed that in order to overcome this, I should pick a niche and go blindly deep on it. So what did I do? I started talking to a lot of my friends about this and started asking which field to choose. Some said to do ML, some said low-level, backend, DevOps, WebRTC, frontend, low-level, and so on… And I literally spent one month figuring out which field is for me, and guess what I realized? I still didn’t figure it out. HUSH :(

Phase 3

And then I stopped doing anything for a week. Every legit thing. I just focused on my academics. And while solving a math problem, I realised something. I realised on the way i forgot myself. I forgot to ask what I want. I lost authenticity, curiosity, and constantly burned out. My goal was to have fun, to do whatever I want. I, apparently, refound myself.

Phase 4 (current phase)

Ever since that day, I have done everything for me. I do whatever I GENUINELY FIND INTERESTING. I am having fun again, I am back to my newbie state. And I am so happy. I am more curious then ever. I don’t get bother much. I just have fun, write code, post on twitter whatever I wish to do and study maths : )

[VERY IMPORTANT] NEVER EVER CHASE THOSE TOXIC HUSTLE CULTURE and you can trust me on that. Everything you see on the internet that looks fascinating is not necessarily good for you. All that glitters is not gold.

After all, if you are going through the same thing, I would like to say: It’s okay to be a newbie, and it’s the best superpower you can have. Eventually, you will reach there. Stop comparing yourself. Work hard. Enjoy life to the fullest, and it’s VERY VERY IMPORTANT to go on vacations : )

Comparison really kills.

~ Thank you!